My house, my rules…

This week the boy has decided the following:


He will only eat breakfast if the radio is on.


When it is put on he needs to sit and have a dance before he starts to eat.


During breakfast if a song comes on he likes he will stop eating, shout at me to remove said breakfast from tray, do another little dance then shout for it back. He will then finish his breakfast if satisfied with dancing to eating ratio.


He likes to eat coal. We are yet to purchase a fire guard so have made a makeshift one with cushions which he likes to dive in to head first. He also likes to wear his flat cap while loitering round the fire and has been known to sing a few lines of ‘Chim Chimeny’ in a cockney accent.


He wants to be a dog. Since the crawling started he can be regularly spotted hanging out in the dog basket.  He also likes to crawl over to the dogs, pull their ears and fishhook their eyes. If you can offer these loving pooches a safe home free from abuse please do get in touch.

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Story time can only be done if the book is read in a different accent and with ad lib dramatic actions. ‘Funny bones’  has been read this morning in a Jamaican accent while doing the robot.

He will not watch recordings of  ‘In the night garden’  if he has seen it before unless it is an episode that he particularly enjoyed. He will give me the signal shortly after the opening credits by rolling around with his head in his hands or just simply shaking his head. I then have less than ten seconds to find a suitable alternative which under no circumstances can include the flowing;

Peppa Pig: We had a phase where he enjoyed it but then someone bought him a stuffed George toy so he now can’t comprehend how he is in the TV as well as in his toy box.

Bubble Guppies: This is one of my favourites but he no longer likes it because I sing the ‘everybody outside’ rap that the fish does. I just record it and watch it when he naps.

Friends: Because he has seen every episode at least twice during the feeding  round the clock stage  when we turned in to hermits and didn’t leave the house for days.


Once a suitable alternative has been offered and accepted he will only sit for 6-8 mins then he will go find a dog to mount or some coal to eat.

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